I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
