im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize