So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
