Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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