I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
