I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
