so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
