if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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