farters have to be the big spoon...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
