i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
