I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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