Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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