Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sponge bath it is.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
