Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
