Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I DEMAND FORESKIN
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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