we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
