I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
