My liver just broke up with me...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
