i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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