there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize