I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
