I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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