She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
