When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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