What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
