I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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