I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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