i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
