Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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