ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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