this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
