Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My penis needs a shock collar
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
