There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
