Dignity is for republicans.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize