i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
