I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
