Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
