I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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