That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
