It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
