I hate your face
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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