You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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