My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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