you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
