My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
