I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
