If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize