i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
