2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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