how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
