Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
