Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
