ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
