So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
