She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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