help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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