my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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