I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
