he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
