No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
