maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
