im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
